Gender-Specific Roles in the Family

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish" (Ephesians 5:21-27).

"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)" (1 Timothy 2:12-3:5).

"The father represents the divine Lawgiver in his family. He is a laborer together with God, carrying out the gracious designs of God, and establishing in his children upright principles, enabling them to form pure and virtuous characters, because he has preoccupied the soul with that which will enable his children to render obedience not only to their earthly parent, but also to their heavenly Father. Like Abraham, he will command his children and his household after him, to keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment. To do the words of God means to work earnestly in the home. But parents who are doers of the commands of Christ will find that the beams of the Sun of Righteousness will brighten the darkness, and the love of Christ make smooth the rough paths" (ST, September 10, 1894 par. 12).

"As you faithfully do your duty in the home, the father as a priest of the household, the mother as a home missionary, you are multiplying agencies for doing good outside of the home. As you improve your own powers, you are becoming better fitted to labor in the church and in the neighborhood. By binding your children to yourselves and to God, fathers and mothers and children become laborers together with God" (7T 67.1).

"As parents faithfully do their duty in the family, restraining, correcting, advising, counseling, guiding,—the father as a priest of the household, the mother as a home missionary,—they are filling the sphere God would have them fill. By faithfully doing their duty in the home, they are multiplying agencies for doing good outside the home. They are becoming better fitted to labor in the church. By training their little flock discreetly, binding their children to themselves and to God, fathers and mothers become laborers together with God" (GCB, April 1, 1899 par. 17a).

"He who is engaged in the work of the gospel ministry must be faithful in his family life. It is as essential that as a father he should improve the talents God has given him for the purpose of making the home a symbol of the heavenly family, as that in the work of the ministry he should make use of his God-given powers to win souls for the church. As the priest in the home, and as the ambassador of Christ in the church, he should exemplify in his life the character of Christ. He must be faithful in watching for souls as one that must give an account.

"In His service there must be seen no carelessness and inattentive work. God will not serve with the sins of men who have not a clear sense of the sacred responsibility involved in accepting a position as pastor of a church. He who fails to be a faithful, discerning shepherd in the home will surely fail of being a faithful shepherd to the flock of God in the church.

"The home is an institution of God. God designed that the family circle, father, mother, and children, should exist in this world as a firm. The father is to act as priest in his own house. He is the "house-band'" and what his influence will be in the home will be determined by his knowledge of the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. "When I was a child, "Paul says, "I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things" (1 Corinthians 13:11). The father is to stand at the head of his family, not as an overgrown, undisciplined boy, but as a man with a manly character and with his passions controlled. He is to obtain an education in correct morals. His conduct in his home life is to be directed and restrained by the pure principles of the Word of God. Then he will grow up to the full stature of a man in Christ Jesus" (10MR 188.4).

"While the spirit of love should pervade the household, it is the duty of parents not to be ruled, but to rule. All under the roof should respect the parental discipline. The law of the household should be held sacred. Parents should bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. By their own example they should lead the way to Heaven. The father, as priest of the household, should explain and enforce the word of God. Let the children be taught to honor and obey their parents, that they may also learn to honor and obey their Heavenly Father. Parents stand in God's place to their little ones. When fathers and mothers realize this, they will find at home a field wherein to exercise their powers for the accomplishment of great good" (RH, August 30, 1881 par. 7).

"If ever there was a time when every house should be a house of prayer, it is now. Like the patriarchs of old, those who profess to love God should erect an altar to his worship wherever they pitch their tent. The father, as priest of the household, should offer the morning and evening sacrifice, while the wife and children unite in prayer and praise. In a home where God is thus honoured, Jesus will love to tarry" (BEcho, December 15, 1893 par. 5).

"I also dwelt at some length on the solemn obligations that rest upon parents. Children are a heritage from the Lord. They are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. In the work of their training, the father and the mother are to work in harmony. The position of the father, as priest of the household, and of the mother, as queen in the home, are most solemn. The mother is not to occupy the position of a slave or of a drudge. Upon her rests largely the burden of educating the little ones in the fear of the Lord" (RH, August 29, 1907 par. 9).

"The father and mother are to be respected in the Christian home. The father is the priest and house-band of the home. The mother is the teacher of the little ones from their babyhood, and queen of the household. Never is she to be slighted. Never are careless, indifferent words to be spoken to her before the children. She is their teacher. In thought and word and deed the father is to reveal the religion of Christ, that his children may see plainly that he has a knowledge of what it means to be a Christian" (RH, June 22, 1905 par. 16).

"The father was to act as the priest of the household, and if the father was dead, the eldest son living was to perform this solemn act of sprinkling the door-post with blood. This is a symbol of the work to be done in every family. Parents are to gather their children into the home and to present Christ before them as their Passover. The father is to dedicate every inmate of his home to God, and to do a work that is represented by the feast of the passover. It is perilous to leave this solemn duty in the hands of others. This peril is well illustrated by an incident that is related concerning a Hebrew family on the night of the passover. The legend goes that the eldest daughter was sick; but that she was acquainted with the fact that a lamb was to be chosen for every family, and that its blood was to be sprinkled upon the lintel and side posts of the door so that the Lord might behold the mark of the blood, and not suffer the destroyer to enter in to smite the first-born. With what anxiety she saw the evening approach when the destroying angel was to pass by. She became very restless. She called her father to her side, and asked, "Have you marked the door-post with blood?" He answered, "Yes; I have given directions in regard to the matter. Do not be troubled; for the destroying angel will not enter here." The night came on, and again and again the child called her father, still asking, "Are you sure that the door-post is marked with blood?" Again and again the father assured her that she need have no fear; that a command which involved such consequences would not be neglected by his trustworthy servants. As midnight approached, her pleading voice was heard saying, "Father, I am not sure. Take me in your arms, and let me see the mark for myself, so that I can rest." The father conceded to the wishes of his child; he took her in his arms and carried her to the door; but there was no blood mark upon the lintel or the posts. He trembled with horror as he realized that his home might have become a house of mourning. With his own hands he seized the hyssop bough, and sprinkled the door-post with blood. He then showed the sick child that the mark was there" (RH, May 21, 1895 par. 2).

"You are not called to give up your identity; you each have an identity of your own. These may not always run in the very same channel, and yet there may be that blending that God requires. The husband is the houseband, the husband, the priest of the household, and the wife is the teacher, as she shall fill her place in the household, whatever may be her employment. If she has children to nurse and take care of, let me tell you there is a lesson there, Oh such a lesson, that God wants everyone to learn. The wife, united with the husband in the fear of God, is to be a strength and power in the church" (10MR 179.2). [at the wedding of her granddaughter]

"The meaning of "husband" is "houseband." All members of the family center in the father. He is the lawmaker, illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues of energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness. His children are the younger members of the Lord's family,--brothers and sisters intrusted to his care by his Heavenly Father, to be trained and educated for heaven" (ST, March 28, 1892 par. 1).

"The father, who is the priest of his household, should conduct the morning and evening worship. There is no reason why this should not be the most interesting and enjoyable exercise of the home-life, and God is dishonored when it is made dry and irksome. Let the seasons of family worship be short and spirited. Do not let your children or any member of your family dread them because of their tediousness or lack of interest. When a long chapter is read and explained and a long prayer offered, this precious service becomes wearisome, and it is a relief when it is over" (ST, August 7, 1884 par. 8).

"The father is in one sense the priest of the household, laying upon the altar of God the morning and evening sacrifice. The wife and children should be encouraged to unite in this offering, and also to engage in the song of praise. Morning and evening the father, as priest of the household, should confess to God the sins committed by himself and his children through the day. Those sins which have come to his knowledge, and also those which are secret, of which God's eye alone has taken cognizance, should be confessed. This rule of action, zealously carried out by the father when he is present, by the mother when he is absent, will result in blessings to the family" (ST, March 28, 1892 par. 4).

"The father is the priest of the family. The souls of his wife and children, as God's property, should be to him of the highest value, and he should faithfully guide the formation of their characters. The care of his children from their infancy should be his first consideration; for it is for their present and eternal good that they develop right characters. He should carefully weigh his words and actions, considering their influence, and the results they may produce" (6MR 49.1).

"Before the Christian father leaves his home, to go to his labor, he will gather his family around him, and bowing before God will commit them to the care of the Chief Shepherd. He will then go forth to his labor with the love and blessing of his wife, and the love of his children, to make his heart cheerful through his laboring hours. And that mother who is aroused to her duty, realizes the obligations resting upon her to her children in the absence of the father. She will feel that she lives for her husband and children. By training her children aright, teaching them habits of temperance and self-control, and in teaching them their duty to God, she is qualifying them to become useful in the world, to elevate the standard of morals in society, and to reverence and obey the law of God. Patiently and perseveringly will the Godly mother instruct her children, giving them line upon line, and precept upon precept, not in a harsh, compelling manner, but in love, and in tenderness will she win them. They will consider her lessons of love, and will happily listen to her words of instruction." (2SM 438.1).

"Husband and wife are to be faithful to each other so long as life shall last, ever revealing the self-sacrifice that leads to the truest happiness and the highest perfection of character. The husband is to be the houseband of the family, the priest of his home. The wife is to respect and love her husband, and he is to love and cherish his wife" (18MR 121.1).

"I am particularly exercised over the mismanagement in the training of families. The father is to be the houseband of the family. This is his position, and if he is a Christian, he will maintain family government. In every respect his authority is to be recognized. In many families the father's authority is never fully acknowledged, and a series of excuses are offered for the disobedience of the children. In many families the daily life is one of variance, full of the counterworking of the father against the mother and the mother against the father. The mother thinks the father unnecessarily severe and exacting. Why?--Because the children do not acknowledge and reverence the father, who, if he is a Christian, represents the divine authority of God, whose vicegerent he is. The father is to carry out the gracious designs of God, and establish his family in upright principles, that they may have virtuous and well-balanced characters" (RH, March 13, 1894 par. 1).

"The father, as priest and house-band of the family circle, should stand to them as nearly in the place of Christ as possible--a sufferer for those who sin, one who, though guiltless, endures the pains and penalty of his children's wrongs, and, while he inflicts punishment upon them, suffers more deeply under it than they do" (HR, October 1, 1877 par. 10).

"The father should be the faithful high priest of the home, the house band of the family. He should not be so absorbed in business life or in the study of books that he can not take time to study the nature and the necessities of his children. He should devise ways by which they may be kept busy in useful labor agreeable to their individual dispositions. It is a great mistake to allow young men to grow up without learning some trade. To the parents of ancient Israel God gave a positive command that every child should learn a trade. The carelessness of parents in neglecting to furnish employment to their children has resulted in untold evil, imperiling the lives of many youth, and sadly crippling their usefulness" (RH, September 8, 1904 par. 7).

"The father, or, in his absence, the mother, should conduct the worship, selecting a portion of Scripture that is interesting and easily understood. The service should be short" (7T 43.2).

"You have not zealously performed your duty to your children. You have not devoted sufficient time to family prayer, and you have not required the presence of the entire household. The meaning of "husband" is house band. All members of the family center in the father. He is the lawmaker, illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues, energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness. The father is in one sense the priest of the household, laying upon the altar of God the morning and evening sacrifice. The wife and children should be encouraged to unite in this offering and also to engage in the song of praise. Morning and evening the father, as priest of the household, should confess to God the sins committed by himself and his children through the day. Those sins which have come to his knowledge, and also those which are secret, of which God's eye alone has taken cognizance, should be confessed. This rule of action, zealously carried out by the father when he is present, or by the mother when he is absent, will result in blessings to the family" (2T 701.1).

"A father must not be as a child, moved merely by impulse. He is bound to his family by sacred, holy ties. Every member of the family centers in the father. His name, "house-band," is the true definition of husband. He is the lawmaker, illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues, energy, integrity, honesty, and practical usefulness. The father is in one sense the priest of the household, laying upon the altar of God the morning and evening sacrifice, while the wife and children unite in prayer and praise. With such a household Jesus will tarry, and through His quickening influence the parents' joyful exclamations shall yet be heard amid more exalted scenes, saying: "Behold, I and the children whom the Lord hath given me." Saved, saved, eternally saved! freed from the corruption that is in the world through lust, and through the merits of Christ made heirs of immortality! I saw that but few fathers realize their responsibility. They have not learned to control themselves, and until this lesson is learned they will make poor work in governing their children. Perfect self-control will act as a charm upon the family. When this is attained, a great victory is gained. Then they can educate their children to self-control" (1T 547.1).

"A great responsibility rests upon the husband--house-band--to bind the household together, by the ties of kindness, love, and harmony. In the patriarchal ages, the husband and father was the priest of his own household. And still it is his duty to invoke in their behalf the divine blessing, and to instruct and guide them in the way of life. Alas that his influence should ever be exerted to lead them into folly and dissipation! When about to accompany his wife and children to the theater or the ball-room, let the professed Christian ask himself, Can I seek God's blessing upon the scene of pleasure? Would my Master be a guest at such a place? Will angels minister to me there? Can I there let my light so shine before men, that they may be led to glorify God" (ST, February 23, 1882 par. 9)?

"To the man who is a husband and a father, I would say, Be sure that a pure, holy atmosphere surrounds your soul. As priest and house-band of your family, you are to learn daily of Christ. Never, never are you to show a tyrannical spirit in the home. The man who does this is working in partnership with Satanic agencies. Bring your will into submission to the will of God. Do all in your power to make the life of your wife pleasant and happy. Take the word of God as the man of your counsel. In the home live out the teachings of the word. Then you will live them out in the church, and will take them with you to your place of business. The principles of heaven will ennoble all your transactions. Angels of God will co-operate with you, helping you to reveal Christ to the world" (SW, January 19, 1904 par. 11).

"The course of Abraham is a complete contrast to that of Eli. "I know him," said the Searcher of hearts, "that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment." There would be no betraying of his sacred trust; no sinful neglect to restrain the evil propensities of his children; no weak, unwise, indulgent favoritism; no yielding of his conviction of duty to the clamors of affection. Abraham's love for his children would lead him to correct his household, at whatever cost, for the good of their souls, and the honor of God. He was diligent in the cultivation of home religion, for he well knew that the blessing of Heaven rested on the habitation of the righteous. He determined that the law of God should be kept in his household, and he was called the "friend of God" and honored by God as the "father of the faithful" (ST, April 6, 1888 par. 2).

"Abraham was called the "father of the faithful." Among the things that made him a remarkable example of godliness was the strict regard that in his home he paid to the commands of God. He cultivated home religion. He who sees the education given in every home, and who measures the influence of this education, said, "I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment.

"The father must not betray his sacred trust. He must not, on any point, yield up his parental authority. He is to be the priest and house-band of his home" (19MR 84.1, 2).

"Bro. Smith has not taken upon himself the responsibility which rests upon a father to control his children. He is the head of the family, and as priest of his household. The most powerful sermon that can be given the unbelieving world in recommendation of our faith is a well-disciplined family. Children that are educated to habits of self-denial and self-control, and are taught to be courteous, kind, and affectionate, will make an impression upon minds that nothing else can" (PH123 45.1).

"The father was the proper ruler of his own family as long as he lived. His authority was not to cease, even after his children were grown up and had families of their own. God Himself was the monarch of the nation, and from the people He claimed obedience and honor" (3T 293.3).

"A great responsibility rests upon the husband--house-band--to bind the household together, by the ties of kindness, love, and harmony. In the patriarchal ages, the husband and father was the priest of his own household. And still it is his duty to invoke in their behalf the divine blessing, and to instruct and guide them in the way of life. Alas that his influence should ever be exerted to lead them into folly and dissipation! When about to accompany his wife and children to the theater or the ball-room, let the professed Christian ask himself, Can I seek God's blessing upon the scene of pleasure? Would my Master be a guest at such a place? Will angels minister to me there? Can I there let my light so shine before men, that they may be led to glorify God? Worldlings themselves look upon these amusements as inconsistent with the Christian's profession. The following incident expresses the feeling which is entertained by many: A young lady professing to be a Christian had been gliding through the mazes of the dance, in a fashionable ball-room, when in conversation with another lady who lived only for this world, she revealed the fact that she was a member of a Christian church. "What!" exclaimed the other, "are you a Christian?" "I am," was the answer. Whereupon she received the stinging rebuke, "Then why are you here" (ST, February 23, 1882 par. 9)?